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A podcast where we talk about the things you should have learned in school but didn't learn, didn't learn fully, or didn't learn correctly. We also chat about about our cats, our haunted house, cryptids, and recent events. Hosted by a married pair, Mattie and Austin, who are a former teacher and a current librarian. We met when Mattie picked Austin out of the audience during a performance (which he was skipping class to attend), screaming at him for causing all her life's problems. It really set the tone for their 17+ years of friendship and, now, marriage.
Episodes
Tuesday Sep 14, 2021
Episode 100: the Ol‘ Switcheroo
Tuesday Sep 14, 2021
Tuesday Sep 14, 2021
On this, our 100th Episode Mattie and Austin switch things up. Instead of researching our own topics, we each researched a topic for the other to cover.
Mattie wrote a segment for Austin to read about his least favorite genre of anything. Listen as Austin slowly realizes she researched bluegrass music, and hear the annoyance in his voice as he talks about banjos and why the mandolin should just go away.
Then Mattie gets a wall of musical terms and German names to try to pronounce while she covers Austin's topic, the original musical sex symbol Franz Liszt.
We are also taking our annual break from recording for the next two weeks to improve the background stuff of the podcast, so watch out for our triumphant return at the start of October.
Tuesday Sep 07, 2021
Episode 99: How to Give Feedback and The St Scholastica Day Riot.
Tuesday Sep 07, 2021
Tuesday Sep 07, 2021
After a tough week, we record an episode at the last second and just manage to get it out. so we are a little rougher than usual. But I still think we are funny.
Mattie gives us feedback on feedback. like the best practices for feedback in work, schools, and telling Austin to stop dancing.
Austin then talks about a 600-year-old riot at Oxford and how Medieval England had just zero chill.
Tuesday Aug 31, 2021
Episode 98: Killer Whales and Eidetic Memory
Tuesday Aug 31, 2021
Tuesday Aug 31, 2021
This week Mattie and Austin saw many goats! We here at Will This Be on the Test LOVE goats, Mattie and Austin got married at a petting zoo because that meant there would be goats at the wedding and a park near our house hired goats to eat all the weeds. It was an exciting weekend.
Ok, now that we have your attention with a beloved animal that almost everyone loves, Austin talks about Killer Whales (another beloved animal that almost everyone loves) and how they are not so secretly cold-blooded (ok, warm-blooded. they are mammals after all) killers who do some incredibly fucked up things in nature, like toss baby seals around like a volleyball, terrify sharks, and how a serial killer Orca was a tourist attraction at SeaWorld for years. We also realize that most of the movies we loved as kids came out in 1993.
Then Mattie talks about Eidetic memory, photographic memory, and Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory (HSAM.) we learn about how memory is formed, how people with superior memory don't always think it is a good thing, and absolutely nothing about the hit Musical Cats and the Classic song Memory. I can't believe we forgot about that.
Tuesday Aug 24, 2021
Episode 97: Why We Don't like Poetry and Superman Smashes the Klan
Tuesday Aug 24, 2021
Tuesday Aug 24, 2021
This week, after seeing something either totally amazing or tragic at Costco, Mattie and Austin only ramble for like 10 minutes before the episode starts.
Why do we hate poetry? and more importantly what exactly is poetry? Mattie tells us all about how we might not like it because it is taught in a strange way and people gatekeep the ever-living shit out of it. She also blew Austin's mind by telling him that the most taught poem does not mean at all what we think it means. it was wild.
Then Up in the Sky! It's a Bird! It's a Plane! No, It's Austin talking about Superman! Why is Austin in the sky? he is nothing like a bird. this intro is confusing. we didn't think it through. But Austin heard a celebrity say something stupid and so he had to talk about an amazing time when activists teamed up with the writers of the Superman radio drama and stopped the KKK in their tracks.
Tuesday Aug 17, 2021
Episode 96: The Bear Flag Revolt and Why It's Hard to Accept Compliments
Tuesday Aug 17, 2021
Tuesday Aug 17, 2021
This week Mattie and Austin are still excited to be on upcoming episodes of Mythstorie (8/18) and Storyshout! they are both a lot of fun and you should give them a listen.
Austin got perplexed by why there was a bear, just a whole ass bear standing there, on California's state flag. this led him down a rabbit hole of the most intensely American story he has ever heard. Mattie also makes a great bare-ass pun that Austin completely misses, but listening back it was super good.
Then Mattie tells us that it is okay to accept a compliment. then goes into some, not all, of the weirdness we put around compliments, and tips on how to give and just as importantly accept compliments. We would also like to compliment our listeners who clearly have amazing taste.
Tuesday Aug 10, 2021
Episode 95: Newsies and The University of Wisconsin Humanities Building
Tuesday Aug 10, 2021
Tuesday Aug 10, 2021
Mattie and Austin actually went places and did things this week! and naturally, we both got inspired by real-world events for our topics this week.
Mattie talks about the 1899 newsies strike because we went to an amazing community theater production of Newsies. the real story has less singing, probably less dancing, and certainly no dance fighting.
Austin talks about the University of Wisconsin's Humanities building after a friend sent a series of text messages about being lost there. It is nicknamed the labyrinth and may or may not be a riot-proof bunker built to disorient student protesters in the late 1960s.
And best of all Mattie and Austin have a guest spot coming up on the Mythstorie podcast on 8/18! we know you can't get enough of us here, so check them out and listen to us talk about the lil cryptid that captured our heart and gave us Phil Collins. The Squonk.
Tuesday Aug 03, 2021
Episode 94: Lawns and The Mercury 13 Part 3
Tuesday Aug 03, 2021
Tuesday Aug 03, 2021
This Week, our problematic fave is back and we watched Love is Blind After the Alter. and is Jessica no longer the villain? Is Mark a butthead? and Why do they keep bringing on people from Too Hot to Handle? are we going to have to watch this show now? Are they laying the groundwork for a Netflix reality show extended universe?
anyway
Austin talks about the most suburban shit ever (Other than crocs and socks, overcooking steak on the grill, and being unhinged in Nextdoor,) and goes into lawns. why do we have them? what do they do? and can we just get rid of them? he also yells at Thomas Jefferson for the second week in a row.
Then Mattie concludes her three-part series on the Mercury 13, when politicians got involved and things got worse. She also uncovers a part of NASA's history they really tried to cover up. if you listen closely you can hear Austin's mind being blown and his heart breaking at the exact same moment.
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
Episode 93: The Mercury 13 (part 2) and Mt Rushmore
Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
this week Mattie and Austin have to flee our unventilated and poorly insulated recording studio/ oddly shaped walk-in closet due to extreme heat. but we adapted, overcame, and recorded an episode that only sounds a little like we recorded in a cave. because we do in fact live in a cave. We probably should've mentioned that earlier.
Then we get into Part 2 of 3 of Mattie's segment of the Mercury 13, and how it became a toxic dramatic workplace, a bit of a reality TV show, and witness one of the top 10 power moves I have ever seen in history. like better than when Caesar came back and executed the pirates that kidnapped him.
Then Austin talks about Mt Rushmore. It is more than just an underwhelming tourist trap in the middle of South Dakota. it is insulting to Native Americans on so many levels And the sculptor has some pretty shocking ties to the worst people in America.
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
Episode 92: Dadaism and The Mercury 13
Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
This week we start off strong with Mattie's strategy for becoming the office's undisputed cryptozoology expert. A lofty professional development goal we should all aspire towards.
Then we get into Austin's segment about an absurd art movement from the early 20th century that challenged how we thought about art. Austin also holds it responsible for Maureen in Rent. he may never forgive art for this.
Then, in part 1 of a 2 part episode, Mattie talks about something super important that we should all know more about but probably will get overshadowed by some Billionaires playing Astronaut. She talks about The Mercury 13 and the brave pioneering women that fought to be a part of Space exploration in the '50s and '60s. Including Wally Funk, who will be on the flight along with the worst person alive Jeff "I had to buy a newspaper just to get people to say nice things about me" Bezos.
We also talk about how buying a home is the worst, and why Mattie should not be allowed in art museums.
Tuesday Jul 13, 2021
Episode 91: HIPAA and Objectiveism
Tuesday Jul 13, 2021
Tuesday Jul 13, 2021
This week, Austin reveals the true horror of being married to Mattie. She made him watch Rent. The Movie version. It was bad, consider this a content warning. for Rent.
Then Mattie gives us helpful life skill information that we should've learned in school but were not taught and goes in-depth about what is and isn't covered by HIPAA ( The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act) and what your rights are. Naturally, Austin gets distracted by bees.
Then Austin talks about something he did learn about and is super salty that people take it seriously. The Philosophy of Ayn Rand (Austin refuses to learn how to correctly pronounce her name) and why it is dumb and the people who follow it are probably assholes who just identify with her Capitalism fan fiction Mary Sue characters and have never actually thought about the content of the books.
Tangents include Psychics, Crystals, Bees, Sex Sent Me To the ER, and Katanas.
Tuesday Jul 06, 2021
Episode 90: Pigeons and Mike the Headless Chicken
Tuesday Jul 06, 2021
Tuesday Jul 06, 2021
Success! this week we are still absolute wrecks who lack professionalism BUT we recorded it successfully!
Austin starts us off talking about pigeons, a bird that is literally everywhere but we don't learn a ton about them. Sure we know all about them delivering messages but we learn so little about their careers in search and rescue, art criticism, and seduction.
Then, in a revival you've all been begging for since the early 2000s, Mattie tells us all about the saga of Mike the Headless Chicken, the Legend of the West. and in addition to the life of a chicken without a head that toured the country, we get the horrifying details about decapitation that we didn't ask for but are getting anyway.
we also talk about our reaction to the Supernatural finale about 6 months after it aired, and how Mattie can cure your snoring in one easy step! listen to find out how, it will shock you! (not clickbait)
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Tuesday Jun 22, 2021
Episode 89: Bad Psych Experiments as Reality TV Shows and I.Q. Tests
Tuesday Jun 22, 2021
Tuesday Jun 22, 2021
This week, after watching way too much reality TV, Austin decided to look at the unethical psychology experiments we learned about and rate them on how well they could be adapted into a reality TV show. Because let's face it, if they filmed the Stanford Prison experiment and put it on prime time tv they would've won an Emmy. and on a related note Mattie watched Riverdale and blew Austin's mind by telling about how Ross's kid from friends is now Archie.
Mattie goes into the origins and applications of the IQ tests. now you think this could be a fun little jaunt where we both take a sketchy online IQ test and compare results (we do, don't worry.) but it turns into a dive into unequal opportunity, bad science, and eugenics. seriously, can't we go into an episode without eugenics showing up?
Monday Jun 14, 2021
Episode 88: Am I in a Cult? and Guano
Monday Jun 14, 2021
Monday Jun 14, 2021
at some point in our lives, as you sit there hand cutting buckets of confetti because someone in charge thinks that larger confetti looks better and nobody sells large confetti chunks or defending Zach Snyder's vision for The Justice League in public where people can hear you, you pause and think to yourself "Am I in a cult?"
Well worry no more because Mattie talks about the different types of cults, how cults work, how to tell if you are in a cult, and who is vulnerable to being in a cult (It's everyone, literally everyone.) we also talk a little bit about how to get out of a cult, but our podcast might be a cult and we don't want our listenership to drop. so maybe skip that part.
Austin, because he has the maturity level of a third-grader, decides to talk about Guano, aka bird and bat poop. But like most things that sound ridiculous at first, it turns into a tale of slavery, imperialism, war, OSHA violations, and environmental destruction that will take generations to recover from. So really what we have all come to expect from this podcast.
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Monday Jun 07, 2021
Episode 87: Mercury and Edgar Allan Poe
Monday Jun 07, 2021
Monday Jun 07, 2021
This week Austin talks about mercury (the element, not the planet) and a truly horrifying period of industrial abuse that reminded him of Radium Girls.
Then Mattie tells us all about Edgar Allan Poe. Pretty much everything we learned about the man was wrong and the reason why is bonkers.
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
Episode 86: Movie Theaters and The Year Without a Summer
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
Tuesday Jun 01, 2021
It finally happened folks! The real world (not the MTV reality show from 30 years ago) finally slowed down and Mattie and Austin both covered a subject this week! You poor fools have to listen to both of us talk about something for a super long time again.
Mattie starts us off by talking about the history of movie theaters, a shocking (but also completely expected) amount of pornography, smell-o-vision (thankfully NOT related to the porn thing,) and how to sneak a tray of cupcakes into a theater.
Austin covers how the 1815 Mt Tambora eruption, the largest volcanic eruption in recorded history, is why Josh Gad played Olaf in Frozen. it tracks. I'm not crazy. well, not crazier than most people who host a podcast.
Twitter: @onthetestpod
Facebook: Facebook.com/onthetestpod
Insta: @onthetestpod
Tuesday May 25, 2021
Episode 85: Mossdale Cavern
Tuesday May 25, 2021
Tuesday May 25, 2021
Have you ever looked at a dark hole in the ground and thought "I bet I can shimmy my way to the bottom of this thing?" well if you have Austin does not understand you and gets increasingly uncomfortable as he talks about the claustrophobic world of Cave Exploration.
Specifically, he talks about Mossdale Cavern, one of the world's most difficult and dangerous caves, and the 1967 Tragedy that shocked the entire spelunking community.
We also talk about why on earth caves have stupid names, and get into British slang for used condoms. and yes, the topics I just mentioned are related. don't say we didn't warn you.
We also talk ghosts, living in a van, the underrated horror movie The Descent, and how adventure tourism is just the worst. Stop leaving bags of shit, garbage, and the corpses of overly confident Instagram influencers on mountains! it is gross.
Monday May 17, 2021
Episode 84: Introverts and Extroverts
Monday May 17, 2021
Monday May 17, 2021
This week Mattie dives into one of her favorite themes, Psychology that we think we know but don't, and informs us about the truth behind introverts and extroverts. And of course, we talk about office team-building nightmares, pop psychology, creepypasta that Mattie just loves, and how Austin is unreasonably excited about being able to play Dungeons and Dragons in person again.
Tuesday May 11, 2021
Episode 83: Resurrectionists
Tuesday May 11, 2021
Tuesday May 11, 2021
This week Mattie and Austin seem to be back in full swing, which means they go off the rails almost immediately when Austin starts telling us about the long history of stealing bodies for medical research and learning. And how it wasn't all amusing victorian grave diggers and Hunchbacks stealing brains in jars, it has a dark side. and Alexander Hamilton shows up.
But, more importantly, we got to go see a movie! In a theater! And we didn't panic! so buckle up world, we've been trapped inside for over a year where our only real form of communication was doing this podcast and things are about to get wild! Mattie is playing pranks now. it is big.
Tuesday May 04, 2021
Episode 82: Mother's Day
Tuesday May 04, 2021
Tuesday May 04, 2021
This week Mattie talks about the history of Mother's Day. (and also reveals that both of us forgot it was next week.) We also talk about how it is celebrated in other countries, how genocide is only a little bit involved, how Austin never buys Mattie flowers and she is not at all angry about it, and both of our various well-meaning but ultimately disastrous Mother's Day gift failures (sorry mom.)
Tuesday Apr 27, 2021
Episode 81: The Waltz
Tuesday Apr 27, 2021
Tuesday Apr 27, 2021
This week Austin goes into the 18th-century dance craze sweeping across Europe and America that, well according to some people, was going to cause society to descend into one a lawless orgy. you know, the waltz. the ballroom dancing dance. sometimes also the polka. that dance.
and naturally, we get off-topic and talk about cryptids as we always do. We didn't discuss if we think Bigfoot and Mothman have ever entered a ballroom dancing competition, but it is safe to assume that if they did they won.